


Faith

by AvecPlaisir



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, F/F, Friendship, Infidelity, Polyamory, becoming a better person? i guess, causal sex, don't worry about the title this has nothing religious in it, relationships
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-27
Updated: 2017-08-28
Packaged: 2018-04-17 13:42:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 16,109
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4668731
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AvecPlaisir/pseuds/AvecPlaisir
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In light of Rose's newest relationship, Pearl struggles with the person she's become with Rose, and the person she's becoming without her. Alternatively, in which Pearl and Garnet have gratuitous amounts of sex but friendship is what matters the most.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Start

At eleven-thirty-something in the evening--possibly eleven-forty, even-- Garnet opened her front door to find Pearl standing nervously on her doorstep.

“Pearl?” Garnet blinked. Would have done a double take, except there was nowhere else to look. “Where’s Rose?”

“Home,” Pearl said. “Can...I come in?”

It took a moment for Garnet to process the request; with little more than a raised eyebrow she silently stepped aside.

“Is everything alright?” Garnet asked quietly as she re-locked the front door. Because Pearl had stepped past her into the apartment but had then just stopped there, just inside, and stood as though waiting for something.

“Huh? Oh—yes. Yes. Everything is fine. I….was hoping to spend the night.”

“Well, I hope you weren’t planning on crashing on the couch, because Amethyst has already taken that.”

Pearl peered into the living room. Sure enough, there were tufts of long bleached hair sticking up from behind the couch’s back.

“She’s thinking of moving in,” Garnet mused. “I wouldn’t mind. Be nice to have someone to split rent with.”

“Is that right?” said Pearl distantly.

Garnet chuckled at Pearl’s forlorn expression. “Come on,” she said placing a hand on Pearl's shoulder. “You can share the bed.”

Pearl absently reached up and took the hand on her shoulder in her own.

Garnet led the way to her bedroom. “You can borrow some of my clothes to sleep in,” she said, sitting on the edge of her bed. “If you just check the drawer behind you.”

But Pearl didn’t move.

“I was hoping” she repeated cautiously, “that I could spend the night with you.”

Although Pearl was now very much in the process of spending the night with her, Pearl’s words weren’t lost on Garnet, and the repetition made their meaning clear. She raised her eyebrows.

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?”

Pearl gave a choked-off laugh. Her expression was heartbreaking. (Her expression was _bitter_.)

“I think it might be the best idea I've ever had.”

Garnet pressed her lips together, searching Pearl’s face. She didn’t know what exactly Pearl meant by that, why Pearl had come so late. But Pearl had already decided for the both of them, was already bending over her, arms stretched out to hang on Garnet’s shoulders, much too close.

“I’ll be good to you,” Pearl breathed the promise onto her lips. “So good.”

“That’s not my concern…”

Pearl’s lips brushed her ear. The words, “It will be,” fell warmly on her skin.

Garnet’s breath hitched. Really, Pearl already had her.

“You know something?”

“Mmm?” Pearl hummed into her neck, Pearl's fingers pulling at the elastic waist of her shorts.

Garnet tilted her head back, eyelashes fluttering.

“When you get like this,” she groaned, “you sound just like Rose.”

 

 

Pearl spent the vast majority of the night between Garnet’s legs. After Garnet’s second ( _incredible, my god Pearl_ ) orgasm, when the sweat pooled in the crevices of her body, and her breath was ragged, she tugged Pearl’s hand and Pearl went up willingly, wiping her mouth on the back of her arm. Pearl captured Garnet’s mouth in a fierce kiss and they spent some time on that. When they broke apart, Garnet nudged Pearl’s side, with an, “Alright, roll over. It’s your turn.”

But Pearl shook her head, smiling impishly.

“Oh no,” she said, “I think we can get at least one more out of you tonight.”

Garnet let out a bark of a laugh. If nothing else, Pearl was overly attentive in sex.

“I’m exhausted,” Garnet admitted.

“Then let’s sleep.”

“If you think I’m just going to fall asleep without you getting off….”

Pearl nosed Garnet’s neck, peppering kisses down its length. She murmured, “Consider it a gift.”

“It’s not a gift that I want.”

Pearl didn’t respond, so Garnet sat up and pushed Pearl back far enough that she could look Pearl in the eye.

“Don’t think I don’t know what you’re doing,” she said. “You don’t owe me anything, Pearl. I’m letting you stay here because you’re my friend. Not for gratuitous sex.”

Pearl looked down. Her eyes were shimmering.

“You’re always so nice to me. And I…. This is the only way I have to repay you.”

“Not true,” said Garnet lightly. “You make excellent tea.”

Pearl snorted then wiped her nose on the back of her hand.

“Now, will you let me do this?” asked Garnet.

The question hung between them for a moment. Pearl looked down at the space between their bodies, and Garnet’s dark breasts caught her eyes. Pearl loved those breasts, loved the arms that hung on either side, loved the toned belly and the wide hips and the thighs that surrounded her. She loved everything about Garnet, and now she felt like her heart might burst with the affection she felt.

She nodded, slowly, eyes still fixed on Garnet’s chest, and Garnet rewarded her with a squeeze on the shoulder.

“What do you want?” Garnet asked. “I’ve even got a strap-on laying around somewhere, I think…”

Pearl’s nose wrinkled momentarily in disgust. She hated strap-ons. Garnet knew this, but had offered anyway.

“Can you just—with your hand?”

Garnet didn’t question the request. “Of course.”

Garnet shifted, pulled her so that she was kneeling between Garnet’s outstretched legs. Garnet nudged one of her thighs and Pearl obediently spread them further. Garnet reached a hand down in between Pearl’s legs and wiggled a finger. Pearl blushed and jolted and then laughed. Garnet grinned before setting herself to real work, thumb landing decidedly on Pearl's clit. Pearl’s blush grew darker, her breath’s more labored and she placed a hand on each of Garnet’s shoulders, steadying herself.

“Isn’t this better than just listening to me moan all night?” Garnet teased.

Pearl tipped her head back, mouth hanging open. The blush was spreading down her neck and flat chest. But even in such a state, Pearl managed to answer, breathily:

“You underestimate how much— _ah_ —I like hearing you moan.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I have a general outline, but details are in flux. Let me know what you think!


	2. Introducing Greg Universe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Pearlnet Bomb, everyone.

_Rose petals fell from the ceiling in an endless and endlessly lovely pink rain. In the background, a piano played itself wistfully. Pearl was sure it was there, although she couldn’t quite see it. She was sure that if she just turned her head, just for a moment, she would be able to glimpse it. But she didn’t, she wouldn’t. Not if it meant turning away from Rose. One of Rose’s hands rested on her waist, the other was warm in Pearl’s. Rose led her around the room in a slow waltz._

_“Oh Rose,” sighed Pearl, “this is so nice.”_

_Rose laughed, a tinkling sound that sent shivers up Pearl’s spine._

_“I miss this,” said Pearl. “It feels like such a long time since we’ve danced like this, just the two of us.”_

_Rose didn’t answer. She was laughing still, that beautiful, endearing laugh._

_“Don’t you miss it?” Pearl asked. “Don’t you miss me?”_

_Rose was doubled over, tears streaming down her face, her laugh mixing with the piano to create a strange distorted music. Around her Pearl could feel air being sucked from the room, from her very lungs, her feet slowly becoming weighed down. It was getting increasingly harder to dance, increasingly harder to even breathe._

_“Rose?” Pearl asked, starting to feel concerned. “Rose? Don’t you love me anymore?”_

_“Oh, my Pearl,” said Rose, her voice still rich with mirth. She pulled Pearl close, enveloped her in a sweet-scented embrace. “Of course I don’t.”_

 

Pearl woke slowly and opened her eyes to find Amethyst’s face hovering over her own.

Pearl blinked. “Amethyst…?”

“What up, P.”

“Wh…?” Pearl sat up, putting a hand to her forehead. But she abandoned her question in favor of looking around blearily. Amethyst was looking at her strangely.

“Bad dream?”

Pearl lowered her hand. “I hardly remember.”

Suddenly Amethyst barreled into her, arms wrapping around her in a crushing hug.

“Amethyst?” Pearl said, surprised.

“Haven’t seen you in forever,” mumbled Amethyst, uncharacteristically subdued.

Pearl’s face softened; her hand came to rest on Amethyst’s head.

Soft light streamed in through the closed blinds on the window to Pearl’s right. She could see dust particles, lit brilliantly yellow, float in the beams that fell across Amethyst’s hair, and she could smell, just barely, something sweet.

And just like that the moment was over.

Amethyst released Pearl with a shit-eating grin. “Woah, you’re totally topless.”

Pearl’s eyes flew wide. She grabbed the sheet that had pooled at her hips and clutched it to her chest.

“Chill out,” said Amethyst, “I’ve seen your boobs before. Or actually, I _haven’t_ \--!Because you haven’t GOT any--ooooohhhhhhh!”

Amethyst burst into laughter.

“Amethyst…”

“Are you naked down here too?” Amethyst wondered, lifting the blankets to check.

“Amethyst!” Pearl snarled, slapping her hand down to prevent Amethyst from lifting the covers.

“Oh my god, your expression is priceless,” Amethyst wheezed.

“Amethyst, please.” Pearl said, pained.

“ _Amethyst, please_ ,” Amethyst mocked her, mimicking her voice.

“ _Excuse me_?”

Amethyst flopped down on the bed. “When did you even _get_ here, P? Garnet said I was already asleep. Like, how creepy is that?”

“Where _is_ Garnet?”

“Oh, yeah,” said Amethyst, picking her nose. She inspected the booger briefly then flicked it off her finger. “Garnet said to ask you if you want anything for breakfast.”

“She’s—she’s making breakfast?”

“Uhhhh _yeah_. I just said that.” Amethyst rolled her eyes. “If I were you, I’d ask for pancakes. They’re _really_ good. Plus, she already made a bunch.”

“Oh—ah. Okay.”

“Alright, I’ll tell her you want _1000_ ,” Amethyst grinned before catapulting herself off the bed and landing on all fours.

“Amethyst!” Pearl yelled after her. “That’s not accurate!”

But Amethyst just laughed as she scampered out of the room, her long hair flying behind her.

Pearl fell back into bed with a _fwump_. Garnet’s bed. Memories of last night made her warm, other memories made her cold. Pearl blinked in the soft light coming in from the window and felt as yellow as the dust particles. Pearl blinked and didn’t know what she was feeling....And Garnet was already up, making breakfast….Pearl sighed and slid out of the bed, picking her clothes up from the floor and putting them back on. The wrinkles irked her, but there was nothing to be done, and for once, she couldn’t really be bothered.

 

In the kitchen, Amethyst already sat at the table, seemingly in the process of consuming a fork. Garnet wore an apron that said: Kiss the Cook. But the "Kiss" part had been crossed out in red sharpie. So really, it just read "the Cook". In one hand, Garnet balanced a plate stacked high with pancakes. In the other hand was a spatula she was using to set pancakes on Amethyst’s plate. Amethyst removed the fork from her mouth and started shoveling actual food into it instead. 

Garnet squinted at the syrup bottle, which sat untouched on the table. "Hmm."

Pearl took her seat; Garnet put pancakes on her plate as well.

“Thank you,” Pearl said.

"There's syrup," Garnet said. "Amethyst."

"Huh?" Amethyst lifted her head. "Oh. Good looking out, G." Amethyst grabbed the syrup bottle and squirted the contents directly into her mouth. Satisfied, Garnet set the left-over stack on the counter.

“You’re up early,” Pearl said, glancing at the clock in the stove.

Garnet poured herself some coffee. “Work.”

Pearl’s eyebrows came together. “I thought you worked mostly afternoons.”

Garnet shook her head slightly, reaching for another mug. “New job.”

“What happened? Did you quit?”

“…You could say that.”

Amethyst snickered. “She punched her boss in the face.”

“What?!”

“Serves him right,” Amethyst said. “He was a real creep. Right, Garnet?”

“Mmm.”

Pearl watched Garnet take the seat next to her and accepted the mug of coffee Garnet extended towards her. Amethyst resumed eating with new vigor.

“Why,” Pearl asked, “didn’t I know this?”

“Cuz you never _talk_ to us anymore, P,” Amethyst’s voice was exasperated, but muffled by the entire pancake she had stuffed in her mouth.

“Don’t talk with your mouth full, Amethyst,” Garnet murmured.

Pearl frowned. “That’s not true.”

“Kind of is,” Garnet said.

Amethyst swallowed, waving her fork enthusiastically. “See! Even Garnet agrees with me! I got a job too, P, but I bet you didn’t know that either.”

Pearl opened her mouth prematurely. “I…expected nothing less from you, Amethyst.”

Amethyst rolled her eyes.

“Yeah _right._ The only time you ever talk to us now is when we go over there or you wanna _cry_ about something.” Amethyst propped her chin on her fist. “So, what’d you come here to cry about this time, huh? Let me guess—Rose is getting a haircut and won’t let you keep the hair that gets cut off.”

Pearl frowned. “Don’t be ridiculous. Rose never cuts her hair.”

“Wait a second!” Amethyst said, eyes widening as she looked between the two of them as though she were seeing them for the first time. You could practically hear the cogs clicking into place.“WAIT.” Her hands flew up to squeeze the top of her head.

Pearl frowned. “Amethyst?”

“You guys _fucked_!”

Pearl froze.

“You totally fucked! OH MY GOD, NO WAY! AHHAHAH—”

Amethyst fell sideways off of her chair laughing. Garnet drained her coffee.

“I can’t believe you're doing this again!” Amethyst cried, wiping her eyes as she climbed back up. She propped her face in her hand again, grinning, as she looked between the two of them. “How was it? Wait—wait, stop, don’t tell me.” Amethyst fell back. “Oh man, wait ‘til Rose hears. She’ll _flip_.”

Pearl looked up. Garnet’s hand rested on her arm.

“You rode the bus here?” Garnet asked.

Pearl nodded.

Garnet stood. “I’ll drop you off.”

“I think I left my phone in your room,” said Pearl, “Do you mind?”

Garnet raised her eyebrows but turned without a word. The moment Garnet was out of the room, Pearl turned to Amethyst.

“Sloppy, sloppy,” Amethyst teased her.

“Don’t tell Rose,” Pearl said flatly.

Amethyst’s eyes widened. “Did you send Garnet out of here just to tell me that? Shaaaady.”

“Keep your voice down.”

Amethyst squinted at her. “Uhhhhh, no offense Pearl, but Rose is gonna notice. The only reason I didn't notice earlier is because I can't see straight before breakfast. Even if I don’t say something, Rose is gonna know.”

Pearl’s eyes hardened.

Amethyst threw up her hands. “Come on, P! It’s not like Rose will _care_.”

“She might.”

“Yeah, and the whole world _might_ explode tomorrow. It’s _Rose_.”

“ _Amethyst_ ," Pearl snarled, but then closed her eyes, took a deep breath and tried again. "Please. I’m asking nicely.”

Amethyst crossed her arms. “Alright, alright, _fine_. But what are you going to do if Garnet decides to open her mouth?”

“Garnet won’t say anything, you know she won’t.”

Amethyst frowned. Pearl was right. But any further protest was cut off by Garnet’s return.

“I don’t see it,” she said.

“It’s alright,” said Pearl, standing. “I found it. Let's go.”

 

 

They found Rose in her dining room—an altogether opulent affair— feeding chocolate-covered strawberries to a young man in a t-shirt with ripped-off sleeves and with hair as long as Amethyst’s. Pearl took Garnet’s arm.

“Woah, who’s this guy?” Amethyst laughed.

Rose looked up. She dropped the strawberry she’d been holding onto the man’s face; it bounced off his nose and onto the floor. Amethyst dived for it.

“Pearl!” Rose cried, “You had me so worried, I didn’t know where you were!”

Behind her, the man seemed unsure of how to react to being abandoned so suddenly. He eyed Amethyst, who was currently bending over the table to reach the rest of the strawberries, warily. After a moment, he pushed the bowl closer to her.

(“Thanks man,” Amethyst said.

“Don’t mention it.”)

Pearl’s grip on Garnet’s arm tightened. She said, “I stayed the night with Garnet. I didn’t mean to worry you.”

Rose waved her off. “It’s alright, my dear. Water under the bridge.” She clasped her hands in front of her. “Garnet!” She stepped close, looking Garnet in the face. “It’s been too long.”

“It’s been a week.”

Rose laughed. “Too long!”

Garnet smiled. “Nice to see you too, Rose.”

“I don’t think you’ve met Greg.”

Garnet’s eyes slid over to the man. “I haven’t had the pleasure, no.”

“Garnet, this is Greg. He’s a musician. And _sooooooo_ funny." Rose took a moment to grin widely, as though remembering something particularly amusing that Greg had done, before wiping a tear from her eye. "And Greg, this is Garnet, my first love _and_ the coolest chick you will ever meet.”

Greg's eyes widened at Garnet’s description. He took in her appearance--collared shirt and tie, sunglasses, afro--and said uncertainly, "Hi."

Garnet nodded her head slightly.“Howdy.”

“And this is my _baby_ , Amethyst,” Rose cooed, scooping Amethyst up from the strawberries and pressing a kiss to Amethyst’s cheek.

“ _Ugh_ ,” Amethyst made a show of struggling in Rose’s embrace, obstinately fighting a smile, “cut it out Rose, I’m not a kid anymore.”

Rose gave Amethyst a final squeeze then released her.

“And of course,” she said straightening, “you already know Pearl.”

“Yeah,” said Greg, slowly. “Why are you all so tall?”

Rose let out a tinkling laugh.

“I’m not,” said Amethyst, hopping up on a chair.

“We were just about to eat,” said Rose, lifting the shining silver top of an equally silver platter and revealing the mounds of food contained beneath. “Who want’s some?”

“ME!” shouted Amethyst enthusiastically.

“I can’t stay,” Garnet said. “And neither can Amethyst.”

“Oh, come on,” whined Amethyst as Rose placed a plate in front of her. “Just give me, like, five seconds to eat this.”

Garnet considered. “I’ll give you ten,” she said, “but you better not throw up in my car.”

“ _Ten_? Sweet!”

“Why would she throw up?” asked Greg uneasily.

“Maybe because people aren’t supposed to down whole meals in ten seconds,” said Amethyst.

“You were being serious?!”

Garnet adjusted her glasses. “I was actually referring to the fact that Amethyst has already eaten.”

Greg watched in horror as Amethyst began shoveling the food into her mouth at a speed no human should ever be able to achieve. Rose’s laugh was bubbling up. Pearl looked to the side to avoid watching the scene and saw with a start that Garnet was looking at her.

(“So that’s why you came over,” Garnet murmured.

Pearl didn’t respond.)

Amethyst finished eating with a burp impressive enough to rattle the silverware and cause the cook to stick her head in to see what had happened.

“Amethyst!” Pearl snapped in reproof.

“Eight seconds,” Garnet said. “Well done.”

Amethyst hopped off her chair, then immediately doubled over, holding her stomach. “Ugh…,” she groaned, stumbling. “I think I’m gonna be sick.”

(After Garnet and Amethyst left, Pearl slipped out after them. In the hall outside of the dining room she caught Garnet's wrist and stood on tiptoe to kiss Garnet on the cheek, and then on the mouth. Up ahead, Amethyst vomited in a potted plant)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Struggling with your own limitations as a writer is really time consuming~


	3. Grievances

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This chapter contains mentions of sexual situations involving a minor.

_“Look what I found,” Rose purred._

_Garnet looked up to see a girl, long and lanky, with hands and feet too big for her body. Her peach hair was chopped short and her scuffed jean overalls were much too large for her._

_She almost looked like a boy._

_“Found?” Garnet repeated, eyes still trained on her. “Where? The 1940s?”_

_Pearl flushed._

_Rose laughed, leaning over the girl and wrapping her arms around her. The words, “She likes you” a whispered encouragement in Pearl’s ear._

_“I’m sorry,” Pearl whispered, terrified, for here was Rose’s **girlfriend** , she knew, everyone knew, and here stood Pearl, insignificant, and with a mouth and neck stained pink by Rose’s mouth. _

_"I didn’t mean—it just sort of happened—”_

_Garnet chuckled and leaned back, cigarette dangling from nimble fingers. When she spoke, her voice was rich and warm and amused, soft accent curling the words as they fell, slow and languid, from her mouth._

_“Rose has never been known for being faithful.”_

 

 

An incomplete list of grievances spanning the course of a three-way semi-polyamorous relationship. The first, occurring fifteen years ago, in a dim room in a high school that Rose had graduated from the previous year. Garnet, a popular senior, lay sprawled underneath her. Their panting was accompanied only by low moans and the sounds of friction, the slide of skin and fabric. Rose’s tongue ran over an exposed breast, fingers found a nipple.

Overwhelmed, Garnet’s head fell back and to the side. That was when she noticed the voyeur.

Pearl sat, back straight, legs folded. Her hands were clasped neatly in her lap, but her fingers twitched. A flush dusted her cheeks, visible on her pale skin even in the dim light. Her eyes, unwavering, fixed on the display before her.

“Freshman,” Garnet said, her voice slow and thick as she struggled to form the words, to focus on the person watching them from the ground. “What do you want?”

“A show, obviously,” Rose said, voice as low and warm as her mouth on Garnet’s skin. “I promised her I’d show her a few things.”

“ _What_?”  was the only thing Garnet could manage to utter.

The word was packed with every bit of visceral disbelief she felt, but even as she uttered it she couldn’t quite remember why she felt so disturbed. Her thoughts rolled over each other in an murky haze, interrupting each other before they had finished, trailing off into a blankness framed by _want_ and _need_ and _oh_ _that felt good_. Rose swallowed her protest easily, sure fingers stroking and petting and dominating.

Pearl, for her part, was completely entranced. Rose’s fingers undid the button of Garnet’s pants, and the sound of the zipper was positively obscene.

Garnet continued to stare at Pearl, expression strange, as Rose moved down her body. Her bare chest heaved visibly. 

“Isn’t she beautiful?” Rose murmured to Pearl, inviting the girl closer.

And oh, Garnet had always loved praise.

Later, Garnet would give Rose an earful. Would snap that she had gone completely out of bounds, would explain, shaking, that Rose should not have undressed her in front of the girl, should not have let that girl put her mouth on Garnet’s breast, nor invite her to slip her fingers past the flimsy barrier of Garnet’s underpants, should not have done any of that when the girl was underage and Garnet was not anything close to sober, good god, Rose, what is _wrong_ with you?

 But, at the moment, Garnet couldn’t quite remember her own name.

 

 

(Perhaps the true first grievance was that Rose came across a skinny child, obviously a lesbian even at her tender age, and entertained the idea of being some sort of mentor. Perhaps the first true grievance is that this pretty gay thing asked for a kiss and it never even crossed Rose’s mind that she should say no.)

 

 

In the present, Pearl had many grievances related to the long haired rock star who had taken up temporary residence in their home, the man who was currently seated at their white-clothed dining table, buried into Rose's side. One, he snored. Two, he was the reason Pearl was kicked out of Rose’s bed. Three, he seemed to have nowhere else to go. Four, _he was the reason Pearl was kicked out of Rose’s bed._

It wasn’t true, not exactly. In all honesty, Pearl had kicked herself out. But it wasn’t as if there had been another option. The only other option was to lay there beside them--while they--while he--

Pearl shuddered. That was _not_ an option.

Besides, who would want to share a bed with that utter _moron_?

 

 

More than ten years ago Garnet sat reading in her bed, half under the covers. It was cold outside, but the cold wasn’t on her mind. The room was dimly lit by the lamp on her bedside table. It cast a soft yellowish warmth, the hazy edges of which crossed the sharp bright rectangle of light that poured in the crack of the door positioned just ajar. Distant sounds of Rose’s party made their way up flights of stairs and down long hallways to thrum vaguely at Garnet’s walls, and to slip in with the light. Garnet didn’t mind. Rose often threw parties, and Garnet had gotten used to the constant hum of a house full of guests. As long as she had a space of her own in which to hide away when interacting with other people became too much, she didn’t mind.

It wasn’t a sound that made Garnet look up, but a shift in the light.

Pearl stood in the doorway, backlit from the light in the hall. She wore a short, shimering silvery-blue dress made of a stiff material that fell boxily on her thin fame. The dress came to a stop well above mid-thigh.

“How’s the book?” Pearl asked, leaning against the doorframe.

“Mediocre” Garnet said, as though she’d been waiting for someone to ask. “The author would rather spend three chapters describing a love triangle between three people who’ve known each other for less than a week than explain why the protagonist's mother remained married to a misogynistic ass who clearly doesn’t care about her or their daughter. I mean, I might come up with a variety of reasons, but the author doesn’t give any indication that they’ve even given thought to the matter—”

Garnet cut herself off, noting the amused expression on Pearl’s face. The smile that tugged at Pearl’s lips. The corner of Garnet’s mouth turned up.

“But,” she finished self-consciously, “perhaps you don’t care so much.”

“Oh no,” Pearl protested, smile widening. Her words came slower than usual. “I’m _very_ interested.”

“Liar,” Garnet said gently. “How’s the party?”

“Awful. Rose isn’t paying any attention to me.”

“Ah.”

“She’s talking to that old guy that keeps inviting us for tea.”

"Mr. Reynolds?"

"He’s got a stick up his ass.”

“Because you’re so laid back.”

“ _I’m_ pretty,” Pearl said hotly.

“Ah,” Garnet said once more. Her mouth twitched.

“I _am_.”

“Of course."

Pearl frowned. “You’re making fun.”

“I am?”

“Yes.”

Pearl walked closer, leaving the doorway behind entirely and coming flush into the room.

“Besides, he keeps spilling champagne on himself. It’s pathetic.”

Garnet didn’t comment.

Pearl lifted her dress to hip height and kneeled onto the bed, swinging a leg over Garnet’s outstretched legs. Garnet placed a hand on Pearl’s waist to steady her, and Pearl settled, straddling her. Pearl let go of her dress as she rose on her knees, pressing her hands to either side of Garnet’s face and tilting it up. Long fingers traced the planes of Garnet’s face, gliding over her smooth cheeks, thumbs pressing harshly against the strong jaw, forefingers hovering reverently over full lips. Pearl studied Garnet’s face as though memorizing it.

“How much have you had?” Garnet asked quietly into the prolonged silence.

“Not enough.” Pearl sighed, rolling her eyes. “I was going to have another glass or five to drown out the drivel of those disgusting men, but," she paused, eyes returning to Garnet's face, "then I remembered that you were up here…. All alone….” Her gaze lowered as one hand dropped to dance at the hem of Garnet’s undershirt. “Without even anything pretty to play with….”

Her fingers slipped under the shirt and found warm skin.

“You know how I feel about this,” Garnet said, evenly. “You know how I feel about you.”

“I know that you love me,” Pearl murmured.

“Which is why you need to get off of me.”

“There’s no need to be coy, Garnet.”

“Pearl.”

Pearl’s fingers retreated, but she was frowning. 

"You said that when I turned 18—”

“No, I said that you _weren’t_ 18.”

Pearl’s eyebrows came down, the conversation clearly not going how she had planned.

“Well, I’m 18 now,” she said.

“And you think that magically makes this okay?”

Pearl stared. After several moments, she sat back.

“When?” she asked, flatly. “Not now. Fine. When?”

Garnet didn’t answer immediately. Avoided her gaze.

“ _Garnet_.”

“Maybe never.”

“Never?” Pearl stared. “That’s not fair!”

Garnet’s eyebrows shot up. 

“Not fair?” she repeated, disbelief coloring her tone.  “To who? To you? And what part of us having sex would be fair to you?"

Pearl flushed, out of anger.

"The part where you don't punish me for things I can't control!"

"You think I'm _punishing_ you--?"

“Rose gets to have you,” Pearl said accusingly.

“What Rose and I do has nothing to do with this.”

Pearl scoffed.

“You don’t really believe that.”

"I do," Garnet said. And then Garnet looked at her strangely. Said, slowly: “This isn’t a competition, Pearl." 

And added, carefully: “ _I’m_ not your competition."

A pause, and she continued, "But, maybe we should talk about how you think that I am.”

Pearl scowled.

“Surely,” Garnet said, low and insistent, reaching for Pearl's arm, if only to shake some sense into her. “Surely you must see how _unhealthy_ this is for you, Pearl. You must have noticed.”

“Spare me the lecture, Garnet.”

Garnet's grip on Pearl's arm tightened.

“You should be in _school_ —"

“Oh—give it a rest!" Pearl snapped, yanking her arm away violently.

She shoved herself off of Garnet and walked to the other side of the room, shoulders tense. She paced.

“We need to talk about this, Pearl,” Garnet said, persistent. “You need to think about this, the choices that you’re making.”

“I’m _sorry_ , Garnet!" Pearl spat. "I’m _sorry_ I’m a pathetic little girl who followed you and Rose around until Rose started _fucking_ me--!”

Now it was Garnet's turn to stare. 

"--and I’m sorry I dropped out of high school and I’m sorry I have no future, and I’m sorry that you have to _look_ at me all the time and feel _sorry_ for me—!"

“Pearl," Garnet said, pained, "that's not—”

“I just don’t know what you _want_ from me, Garnet!” Pearl shouted, hands in her hair. Her cheeks were pink. "You tell me that you love me, but you sit there judging me! All of the time, you’re constantly judging me!” 

“I’m trying to _help_ you,” Garnet said. Pleaded.

“Help me?” repeated Pearl. “You’re so full of shit!”

 And for the second time, Garnet was at a loss for words. Whatever she’d been expecting Pearl to say, that hadn’t been it.

“You act so goddamn self-righteous!” Pearl continued, ruthless. Flecks of spit flew from her mouth. “You think just because it wasn’t _you_ means you’re not responsible! And you hold that over me like it’s something I should be _grateful_ for! But you didn’t _do_ anything! You let it happen!”

There was a silence like a bomb.

Pearl’s shoulders dropped. 

“I’m sorry,” she muttered. “I didn’t mean that.”

“Yes,” Garnet said, “you did.”

“No.” Pearl said, raising her chin. Defiant. She looked exhausted. She looked ready to fight. “I didn’t.”

 

 

_“Slow down,” Garnet said into Pearl's mouth._

_Pearl pulled back slightly, embarrassed._

_“Rose does it fast," she said._

_“I’m not Rose,” Garnet said. Then she said, “Maybe we should talk about that too."_

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year! Sorry for the wait! I'm actually really struggling with this. 
> 
> And thanks for the comments/kudos! Really appreciate it <3


	4. Nervous

 

_“That was weird, right?” Amethyst said as she and Garnet drove down Rose’s driveway. “Like super weird. She came out of nowhere, like a UFO or something. Like it’s Pearl, she at least always calls!” Amethyst shook her head, indicating just how far her disbelief went. She leaned back in her seat, folding her arms over her chest as she gave Garnet a suspicious look. “And anyway I thought you guys weren’t supposed to be talking.”_

_“We’re not not talking,” Garnet said. Her eyes were on the road. “We just haven’t been.”_

_Amethyst rolled her eyes. “What’s the difference?”_

_"This way," Garnet said wryly, "it's a lot more confusing."_

 

_(“Sorry,” Pearl said, age eighteen, and her breath was shaky. “Sorry. I’m nervous.")_

 

 

“They used to live here,” Rose said in the dining room, voice smooth and rich like honey. Her voice carried softly as Pearl pushed the door open. It slid silently on carpeted floor. “A while ago.”

“Like, before you did?” Greg asked, and his voice was deep like a man’s and high like a child’s.

“No,” Rose said, and there was a smile to her voice.

And then her finger curled in Greg’s hair, and he seemed to forget his curiosity.

Pearl closed the door.

(Rose looked up, at the sound.)

 

( _“_ Greg seems cool though,” Amethyst said. “He’s like, my age.”)

Pearl studied herself in the bathroom mirror.

There were no bruises; she hadn’t expected any. Garnet wasn’t one to leave any, of her own accord. She’d been worried, after Amethyst’s insistence that Rose would know. But there was no trace of her night with Garnet. Suddenly, that bothered her. She wanted something to mark the night. A memento. A gift. Evidence. Pearl studied her reflection and didn’t know why she was expecting to see…something. Something different. She felt different. Didn’t she?  She felt…

Terrified, suddenly.

The walls seemed to be closing in on her. She was finding it difficult to breathe. And buzzing in the back of her mind, the nagging question,

_What have I done?_

And that thought didn’t make sense, almost. Did it? The only thing she’d done was go see Garnet. Go see Garnet, her best friend. Except they weren’t best friends anymore, were they? _Were_ they? Pearl felt dizzy, suddenly. She’d tried to put such questions out of her mind for the past few years, but now they came rushing back with disturbing intensity.

She felt like vomiting, suddenly.

Pinching her nose, she went to the window and threw it open. The cool morning air blew in and chilled her teeth as she concentrated on settling her stomach. She hated vomiting.

She wasn’t sure she shouldn’t have gone last night, but it seemed likely. There were plenty of reasons not to. Pride, respect, responsibility, integrity— _fear_. But there was exactly one reason she should have gone—and that was that there was absolutely nothing else she could have done. And in the end _that_ desperation won, over everything.

(No—that wasn’t fair. She wanted to see Garnet. But did that count as a reason she should have gone? For her trouble, she felt Garnet’s absence like an ache.)

When she was satisfied that she’d quelled the urge to spew the contents of her stomach, she moved to the sink. Her toothbrush sat dry and waiting in a cup. She lifted her hand.

 _You don’t owe me anything,_ came Garnet's voice. _I’m letting you stay here because you’re my friend._

But that wasn’t true, was it? That couldn’t be true. After everything, she’d shown up so _pathetically_ on Garnet’s doorstep last night. Why hadn’t Garnet turned her away? She could have. She should have. But Garnet had been perfectly willing to let her stay. Had made it clear that she wasn’t angry—not in those words, but in her demeanor. And what did that mean?

Pearl looked herself in the eye. It didn’t matter what it meant. An hour ago, when she’d slipped out and kissed Garnet goodbye, Garnet hadn’t kissed back. And it was pretty clear what _that_ meant.

The only question now was what she had done wrong. Somewhere between her arrival and Garnet leaving this morning she’d messed up. Where? Had Garnet been angry at breakfast? Pearl tried to remember her facial expressions, her body language, what she’d said. She thought of everything _she’d_ said. Had Garnet overheard her talking to Amethyst? No, that couldn’t be it; she would have said something. Garnet wasn’t one to avoid a confrontation. Maybe she’d been angry at the beginning and Pearl had been too caught up in her own mind to notice. Maybe she’d taken a lack of outward aggression as patience and love. Was she that desperate?

_I think it might be the best idea I’ve ever had._

Pearl closed her eyes.

“Sweetheart?”

Rose’s voice came muffled through the bathroom door, accompanied by a soft knocking.

Pearl whipped her head up, eyes snapping open. She wiped her eyes quickly with the back of her hand, then opened the door. Even though she’d just been staring at herself in the mirror, she had no idea what she looked like.

Rose’s warm brown eyes found hers, full of concern.

(Pearl was completely nude. Rose didn’t blink.)

“You seem sad,” Rose said.

(Ever the master of reading emotions, Rose was.)

Pearl’s expression softened.

“I’m fine, Rose,” Pearl said, and her voice was gentle.

“Did you have a good time with Garnet?”

“I did.”

“That’s good,” Rose said, and her eyes were alight. “Garnet’s fun.”

A sliver of a smile curved Pearl’s lips.

Rose put a hand under her chin.

“You should invite Garnet over,” she said, tiling Pearl's face up and looking her in the eye. “And Amethyst.” Her eyes danced. “We can have a sleep over.”

“That sounds nice,” Pearl said weakly.

“It does, doesn’t it? What d’you think, tomorrow? Garnet doesn’t train Tuesdays, does she?”

“Rose, Amethyst has class and Garnet works.”

Rose smiled. “Why do I keep forgetting that?”

“I’ll ask Garnet when would work best,” Pearl said.

“Yes, good idea,” Rose said. “This is going to be so much fun!”

 

 

Pearl might have chickened out, but she was on orders.

“Hi,” she said.

“Hi,” Garnet returned.

Although she’d just seen the other woman—or perhaps _because_ she’d just seen her—Pearl found her stomach turning over. She knelt onto her bed, one leg curled under her, phone pressed to the side of her head.

“Rose, ah, wants to have a sleep over.”

There was a pause.

“Sounds fun,” Garnet said.

Pearl smiled. Her stomach was easing. Garnet’s voice was soothing, if unfairly attractive.

“What day would work best for you?”

“Well I don’t train Tuesdays,” Garnet said.

Pearl buried her widening smile in a pillow. Somehow, Garnet managed to say the funniest things, even refrencing conversations she had no way of knowing about.

“But you work in the morning," Pearl said.

“Not Wednesday, but Amethyst has class.”

“Friday?”

“I can take off,” Garnet said.

“You work Saturday?”

“If I work Wednesday I won’t have to.”

 “What’re you doing now?”

“’s for the newspaper.”

“Do you like it?”

“Not really.”

“What’s wrong with it?”

“No one knows what they’re doing. Which means they can’t tell me what I’m doing.”

“It is a terrible paper,” Pearl murmured.

“And now we know why.”

Pearl almost laughed.

“So Friday?”

“I’ll have to check with Amethyst.”

“Of course.”

“But it should work.”

“Garnet?”

“Hm.”

Pearl hesitated. Her heart beat faster in her chest as she considered all the things she might say. She settled on,

“I’m sorry.”

There was a pause, and then Garnet said,

“That’s a conversation better in person, don’t you think?”

“Yes, you’re right,” Pearl said, blinking hard. She sat up. “Of course, you’re right.”

“You were upset last night.”

“I was.”

There was a silence.

“Goodbye, Pearl,” Garnet said.

“Garnet—wait,” Pearl said.

Garnet did.

“I also,” Pearl said, swallowing a little, “I also wanted to say thank you.”

Pearl held the phone in both hands, waiting.

“Anytime, Pearl.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been awhile since I first posted, and I'm looking forward to the rest. To anyone who was waiting, thanks <3 I really apologize for the unintentional hiatus.
> 
> And of course please let me know what you think!


	5. Budding

 “She’s got bruises,” Garnet said to Rose on exhale, shaking ash from the end of her cigarette. “And scars.”

The teens stood by the fence posted at the edge of the football field and the track surrounding it. It was a month before the music room incident would take place, an incident which would afterward become not-to-be-talked-of, nearly four years before Pearl turned 18.

 “She says she gets into fights,” Rose murmured, “That the other kids are mean.”

She stole the cigarette and took a drag, cigarette poised between two pink nails.

“Isn’t it sad?” she asked, smoke curling out of her mouth.

“Fights, I believe. But I’ve never seen anyone pick on her.”

Rose’s eyes lit up. “Been following her around, have you?”

Garnet frowned as she took her cigarette back.

“One of us needs to make sure she’s okay,” she muttered around it.

Rose smiled, fingers curling under Garnet’s jaw. “You’re so sexy when you’re being considerate.”

“Stop,” Garnet said, lifting her chin. “I have class.”

“And _studious_ too,” Rose purred. “Next you’re going to tell me you box.”

 “Rose!” Pearl cried, running up to them.

Her cheeks were pink from the exertion, and when she had reached them she bent forward, hands on knees, to catch her breath, her book-bag threatening to fall forward onto her head.

Garnet pulled away from Rose, hand to her lips, smoking.

“Woah, there,” Rose said, laughing. “Where have you been, sweetheart?”

“Mr. Dewey made me stay behind,” Pearl explained, straightening. “I tried to tell him I couldn’t but he wouldn’t let me go.”

“You got called into the principal’s office?”

“Yeah, but I didn’t do anything!”

Garnet chuckled, surprising Pearl. In her smooth suave voice, Garnet said,

“That’s what someone who did something would say.”

“I didn’t,” Pearl insisted.

“What did he want?” Rose asked.

“I don’t know,” Pearl said. “He never got to the point. He just kept talking about hard work and watching kids grow up. I had to tell him I was going to pee myself if he didn’t let me go to the bathroom. And he got really red.”

“Good thinking,” Rose winked. “Men like Bill Dewey get squeamish hearing something like that from a girl.”

“I know,” Pearl said, eyes bright, bouncing on her toes.

“Bell’s gonna ring,” Garnet said.

Sure enough, it did.

“I just got out here!” Pearl snapped, not at Garnet but at the world.

“What are you doing tonight?” Rose asked the girl. “We could skip stones on the ocean under the moonlight. Doesn’t that sound romantic?”

And she glanced at Garnet as she said it.

“I can’t,” Pearl said, gaze lowered. “You know I can’t, after school.”

“You’ve said,” Rose said, propping a cheek on her fist. “And now I’m very curious as to why.”

“My dad’s strict,” Pearl said eyes on the ground.

“So strict he won’t let you stay after school?”

“I have to ask permission first.”

“So ask permission.”

“That’s too late, he’ll say no.”

Rose’s eyes shone. “So sneak out.”

“You’re such a great influence, Rose,” Garnet deadpanned. “How do you do it.”

“Maybe,” Pearl said, biting her lip. “Maybe I can.”

 

 

It was three days after the music room incident, which was not-to-be-talked of.

They sat in the sun, enjoying one of the last warm days of the year. Pearl sat, legs curled under her, weight propped on one hand. Garnet lay on the ground, head cradled in Rose’s lap. Rose, whose hand was burrowed under Garnet’s shirt, doing something Pearl couldn’t quite see, but who had slid Garnet’s shirt up, over her ribs, which Pearl could see. The sun and shade form the overhead tree threw patterns on Rose’s hair, on Garnet’s skin, on Pearl’s clothes. Patterns that shifted with the breeze.

Pearl watched, but tried not to make it obvious she was watching. She knew she wasn’t allowed to. Not allowed to touch, either. It was three days after the music room incident.

Garnet had been so, so angry, and so, so loud.

Now, Garnet was impassive. Her head was turned to the side, face hidden. She dozed. Pearl’s eyes trailed along the smooth flatness of her belly, tapering down to a narrow waist. A cute belly button with hair starting just below, a thin trail cut off abruptly by the band of her underwear and waist of her sweatpants. There were dips on her pelvis, inside her hip bones. Pearl hadn’t realized it, before she’d seen Garnet near nude, Garnet was so much bigger than her it hadn’t crossed her mind—but Garnet was thin, very thin, almost as thin as her. Just with pert breasts that Pearl didn’t have and an ass Pearl didn’t have, and her thighs were pure muscle.

Some part of her realized she was sexualizing Garnet, and she felt guilty for it. But Garnet was the first woman she’d seen naked and wanted to see, the first woman who’s slickness she’d felt with her own hands. She couldn’t help but be fixated.

And it didn’t help that Rose wasn’t shy about playing with her girlfriend in front of her.

Rose’s fingers curled under the band of Garnet’s bra and tugged up. And Pearl honest-to-god did her best not to stare.

And as she was almost-not-staring she wondered what she would have to do to get Rose to play with her like that. And as her mind explored this situation she decided she wanted nothing more than for her and Garnet’s roles to be switched. For her to be lying, head on Rose’s lap, having Rose play with her body as she lay relaxed and dozing, and Garnet would be sitting just mere steps away. Except Pearl didn’t want Garnet to be awkwardly trying not to stare, like she was now. In this hypothetical universe, Pearl wanted Garnet to watch.

 

 

“Do you _have_ to go?”

Pearl’s tone was plaintive. They stood by the fence, at the edge of the school property. On the track people were milling about, talking, leaving. It was Friday afternoon. Rose had just announced her intentions to leave the city for the next week. Later that evening, Garnet would have a track meet.

“It’s only for a little bit,” Rose said comfortingly.

Her arms were around Garnet’s waist, hands on her lower belly, just below the dip, chin resting on Garnet’s shoulder as she smiled at Pearl. Garnet stood impassive.

Rose said, “Take care of Garnet for me, won’t you, Pearl?”

And Pearl nodded earnestly. “I will.”

 

 

(That would become a running joke even years later. Whenever Rose would leave both Pearl and Garnet, sometimes even if she was only leaving the room, she would tell Pearl, ‘take care of Garnet for me,’ and Pearl would promise she would.)

(Garnet didn’t think it was too funny.)

 

 

But now Rose was gone and this was the first time Rose had told her to do this. Garnet’s long legs carried her down the school hallway, and Pearl had to hop to keep up.

“Rose said I had to take care of you.”

Garnet glanced down at her. “She wasn’t serious.”

“She sounded serious to me.”

“That’s because you’re fourteen.”

Pearl frowned a little. “I’m fifteen.”

A second glance, more pointed this time, and Pearl felt something spike in her chest.

“Exactly,” Garnet said.

“Garnet,” Pearl said, reaching out a hand to stop her.

And her hand touched Garnet’s arm, and the older girl spun around to face her, and Pearl yanked her hand back. She’d forgotten the rule. She wasn’t supposed to touch.

“What,” Garnet said flatly.

“I…I want to take care of you for Rose,” Pearl said, with a shrinking voice.

“You should focus on taking care of yourself,” Garnet said. “Who busted your lip?”

Pearl shrunk back.

“I did,” she said, feeling it like she’d forgotten about it. “I’m very clumsy.”

“Maybe come up with a better lie,” Garnet suggested.

Pearl stared up at her, and Garnet made her feel like a child. With no defense and no idea what she was doing.

“Why don’t you like me?” she asked, and hadn’t meant to. “Is it because of what I did? I’m really sorry, I thought it was okay.”

But Garnet frowned down at her.

“What gave you the impression I don’t like you?”

And Pearl stared, incredulous.

“You did,” Pearl said. “You don’t talk to me.”

“I don’t talk a lot.”

“You talk to Rose.”

“Rose is my girlfriend.”

Pearl bit her lip. “How’d she become you’re girlfriend if you don’t talk?”

Garnet stared at her, then cracked a smile. Pearl stared, incredulous. She felt like she’d just performed open heart surgery and saved someone’s life.

“I like you, Pearl,” Garnet said. “I just think you’re stupid.”

 


	6. Sleep Over Pt. 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the original version of this chapter was indeed moved

_"Roommates," Greg said. "I get it."_

_And Rose titled her head. "You think Pearl is my roommate?"_

  

“Okay so that’s Garnet,” Greg said, “And you’re Amethyst, and you two are…”

“Awesome,” Amethyst supplied.

“And you and Pearl and Rose are…”

“Awesome.”

“No, I mean, like…”

“Like what?”

“ _Who_  are you?”

“Woah,” Amethyst said. “Existential.”

Greg frowned. “In relation to each other.”

“We’re friends dude,” Amethyst said, leaning back. They were seated at the table, playing cards. “Can’t you tell?”

“Friends?” Greg said. “That’s it?”

“That’s it?” Amethyst said. “What d’ya mean ‘that’s it’? What else is there?”

“Well there’s family,” Greg said, ticking them off with his fingers, “and then, um, significant others…”

“Rose is pretty significant,” Amethyst said. “So is Garnet. Pearl, it depends.”

“No, significant other is someone you’re dating, or married to,” Greg explained.

“Dude, I know,” Amethyst said. “I’m just saying, all that’s side stuff. What it all comes down to is friendship. I’m dead serious. Look—,” she said, when she saw Greg was about to protest, “I have no idea where my family is. I got a mom, right? Never saw her ever. But now Rose is my mom, and Rose is my friend, and she wouldn’t be my mom if she wasn’t my friend, get it?”

“I guess,” Greg said, scratching his head. “Wait—Rose is your mom?”

Amethyst waved a hand. “Side stuff.”

“No—Amethyst, I wanna know.”

“Well,” Amethyst sighed dramatically, “ _not_  that it’s any of your business, but Rose is  _technically_  my mother.”

“When you say ‘technically’—?”

“Legally,” Amethyst said. “I’m adopted.”

“Wait, how old are you?”

“Seventeen.”

“But you don’t live with Rose,” Greg said, confused. “Or—do you?”

“I used to.” Amethyst said. “But now I live with G-man’s parents. Except sometimes I live with G-man. It switches up. I wanna move in with her permanently though, soon as I get some money.”

“Who’s G-man?”

“Garnet, dude. You’re kinda slow.”

Greg flushed, but pushed on.

“Why don’t you live with Rose? Anymore?”

Amethyst sighed, not dramatically this time. “That’s a long story.”

“I’d love to hear it,” Greg said, “if you wanna tell it.”

“I mean…” Amethyst looked at Greg out of the corner of her eye. She was clearly enjoying his attention. “I dunno if I  _want_  to…”

“Then you don’t have to,” Greg said.

“No, no, I’ll do it,” Amethsyt said quickly. A grin split her face. “But even I don’t know the full story. I’ll tell you what I do know, though.”

“Cool,” Greg said, eager to finally get some answers. Rose was not the most forthcoming person.

“Okay so we were all living in this house right? One big happy family, la de da—”

“Wait,” Greg interrupted, “if Rose is your mom, who are Pearl and Garnet?”

“They were really close with Rose,” Amethyst said. “And they helped look after me.”

“So…like aunts?”

Amethyst rolled her eyes. “Sure. Or like my other moms or like big sisters. You can think of it however you want, dude. But Pearl and Rose were definitely a thing so maybe other mom is better. Actually—no. I’ll choke and die before I call Pearl my mom.”

But Greg was caught up on something Amethyst had said a bit earlier.  _Pearl and Rose were definitely a thing._

“A  _thing_  thing?” Greg asked.

“Huh?” Amethyst said.

“You said that Pearl and Rose were a thing. You mean they were together?”

“Yeah. And like present tense too. What’s wrong with you?” she said, noting Greg’s expression. “You’re not homophobic are you? Cuz if you are I’m gonna have to defend the honor of all of my not-moms and shove your head down a toilet.”

“Wait—they’re  _all_  lesbians?”

“Well,” Amethyst said, giving Greg a sideways glance, “I think we’re pretty safe to say that Rose is bi. Otherwise you wouldn’t be here.”

“Right,” Greg said, rubbing his head. “Right,” he said again, straightening. “ _We’re_  a thing. So Pearl—”

“Is another thing,” Amethyst said. “I don’t know if you know this yet, but Rose has a lot of things. Like even she and G used to be a thing.”

“I didn’t know that,” Greg said weakly. “I mean—she said she and Garnet were, but…”

“What, you didn’t think her and Pearl were roommates, did you? Cuz that’s really funny.”

“No, I…” Greg said. Amethyst let out a bark of a laugh.

“Well at least you know now,” Amethyst said, stretching her arms behind her head. “Now are you gonna let me finish my story or what?”

“Oh—right,” Greg blinked. “Please continue.”

“So,” Amethyst said, leaning forward. The card game was long forgotten. “Like I was saying, we were one big happy family, everything was more or less fine, then one night this fight just  _exploded_. I was in my room so I couldn’t hear all of it, but there was a lot of yelling and they sounded really angry, and it was so loud I could even hear it with my door closed. So I crept down the stairs to see if I could see what was going on without them seeing me—because I was supposed to be asleep—and Rose was just standing there and Pearl was all up in Garnet’s face saying some really mean stuff, and I don’t remember exactly what she said but I do remember I was shocked because I’d never heard Pearl curse before. But then suddenly Rose, like,  _looked_  at me like she knew I was there so I ran back to my room because I didn’t want to get in trouble for watching. And after a while the yelling stopped—or I just fell asleep, I don’t remember. But the next day Garnet told me that we were leaving, just her and me.”

“Did she say why?” Greg asked, completely invested in the tale.

“No, she wouldn’t. Just that it was for the best. She always talks really cryptically like that.”

“And it just happened out of nowhere? The fight, I mean?”

“Yeah, or at least that’s how it seemed to me. But Pearl said…well,” Amethyst’s expression fell a little, “Pearl told me it was my fault.”

“Your fault? How could it be your fault? You weren’t even involved!”

Amethyst rubbed her arm. “Something about Rose not wanting me anymore…I mean, it seems like bullshit to me but then again…who knows right? I was a pretty terrible kid.”

“No, Amethyst,” Greg said, “I’ve heard Rose talk about you, she adores you.”

“Thanks, Greg,” Amethyst said sheepishly, “but you really don’t know what you’re talking about. I kinda destroy everything I touch.”

 

 

“So,” Pearl said, softly, tracing a circle in the carpet.  

 “So,” Garnet repeated.

The silence stretched on an on. They sat in the upstairs dayroom, by the unlit fireplace. In winter they would use it, in addition to the old rattling heater system. But in August it was only cool in the mornings.

Pearl let out a soft laugh.

“I almost don’t know what to say.”

“Almost?”

“No,” Pearl said, “I have no idea what to say—except, except something I’m sure you’re tired of hearing.”

Garnet tilted her head.

“If you hate me,” Pearl said, voice catching, “I’d rather you took it out on me.”

“As opposed to?”

Pearl looked her in the eye. “Anything else.”

“I don’t hate you, Pearl.”

“You have every reason to.”

“I don’t hate you, Pearl,” Garnet repeated more firmly.

“You’re being nice,” Pearl said. “You can stop that.”

“I’m not being nice,” Garnet said. “I’m being honest.”

Pearl’s eyebrows came together. “How could you not hate me?”

“You really think that I could hate you?”

“I hated you,” Pearl said.

Garnet let out a sharp laugh. “I know,” she said.

That sat for a moment, and the silence was comfortable, except for the deep shame Pearl was feeling. She looked down, eyes misting. She sniffed.

“You’re too good,” she mumbled, wiping at an eye with the heel of her hand.

“Maybe,” Garnet said.

But when Pearl looked up, she saw that Garnet’s mouth was curved; she was teasing.

Garnet leaned forward, elbows resting on her legs. “I’m really glad we’re having this conversation.”

“You are?”

“I was afraid you were going to leave me high and dry.”

“What?”

“We’ve got a little too much history for a one-night-stand don’t you think?”

Pearl’s cheeks warmed.

“I didn’t mean it like that,” she said.

“I’m glad,” Garnet repeated.

 

 

“Man,” Amethyst said, leaning back. She was on the ground, leaning against the railing, arms folded behind her head. Pearl sat in the patio chair across from her, half empty glass beside her on the table.

 “ _Man_ ,” Amethyst said, “I’m gonna miss summer. Hate going back to school.”

“You were already taking classes,” Pearl said, side eyeing her.

“Yeah but those were _summer_ classes,” Amethyst said, hands in the air. “And afterwards you put on your bikini and go to the beach! It’s totally different.”

Her hands fell in her lap.

Pearl raised an eyebrow. “Were your grades totally different?”

“Heh,” Amethyst said. “Good enough to pass.”

“They’d better be," said Garnet.

They’d been drinking wine. Her, Rose and Pearl. Greg and Amethyst were both below the limit. Greg hadn’t drunk because Amethyst had threatened to dunk his head in the toilet if he did while she couldn’t. Amethyst had begged for a drink but Garnet hadn’t budged.

“That’s stupid, you’re drinking!” Amethyst had said.

“What kind of guardian would I be if I let you drink?” Garnet had said.

“You’re not my real mom!” Amethyst had returned.

It was an old joke. Now, a cup of sparkling grape juice sat by Amethyst’s leg.

The two looked up to see Garnet in the doorway. Pearl felt warm as Garnet took a seat near her, body loose.

“I got it all under control, G,” Amethyst said, flashing a winning smile. “I think I’m even getting a B in English. Turns out if you actually read the books you can, like, answer questions about them.”

Pearl rolled her eyes.

Amethyst leaned forward, enthusiastic. “This teacher was _way_ better. She just like—made the books seem interesting ya know? Instead of snooze-fests.”

“That’s good,” Garnet said.

“The best part is that I’m gonna have her my last semester too,” Amethyst said. “Cuz she teaches senior English. I’m thinking maybe this year won’t be a total shit-show after all.”

Garnet hummed. And Amethyst turned her gaze to Pearl, making eye-contact.

“Can you believe I’m graduating?” she asked, eyes-wide.

Pearl smiled a little. “We knew you could. You just have to get there.”

“One more year,” Amethyst said.

“One more year,” Pearl agreed.

“ _Shit_ ,” Amethyst said.

“Pearl!” Rose called. “Where are the bendy straws?”

Pearl got to her feet, slight smile on her face.

“Hey Garnet?” Amethyst said.

“Mm.”

“Did you feel like this when you were a senior?”

“Did I have a crush on my English teacher?”

“I don’t have a crush!” Amethyst yelled.

Garnet’s mouth pulled into a grin.

“No, like,” Amethyst paused. “Even though high school totally sucks ass…did you kinda wish it didn’t end?”

“I remember feeling like that,” Garnet said.

“How’d you make it go away?”

Garnet glanced inside the house. She could just see Pearl through the opening to the kitchen, crouching low near the stove. She said, slowly,

“I didn’t.”

 

 

“Pearl’s birthday is coming up,” Rose said to Garnet, as they stood in the kitchen. Popcorn popped in the microwave.

“I’m aware,” Garnet said, arms folded against her chest, leaning against the counter, ankles crossed.

“I was thinking something Pride and Prejudice.”

Garnet raised an eyebrow. “What does that mean?”

“Oh you know,” Rose said, waving a hand. “Walks around the property. Tea parties. It’s supposed to be warm that weekend. And the leaves have started to change color.” Rose’s eye shone. “It’ll be romantic.”

“Pearl doesn’t like romantic.”

“But you do,” Rose said.

“It’s not my birthday.”

“So you think it’s a bad idea?”

Garnet hesitated.

“Great!” Rose exclaimed, clapping her hands together. “It’s settled then!”

“What’s settled?” Pearl asked, coming into the kitchen with a bag of ice.

“We’re going to watch  _Mama Mia_ ,” Rose said, spinning to face her and not missing a beat.

“Oh,” Pearl said, opening the freezer and placing the ice bag inside. Shouts came from the living room. She closed it as Rose said, “I’m going to check to see if Amethyst is playing nice with Greg.”

Garnet moved to follow her, but Pearl stepped in her path.

“Can we talk?” Pearl said.

Garnet’s mouth twitched. “Sure.”

“Oh my,” Rose said. “You two sound like you’ve got secrets.”

Pearl’s cheeks warmed.

“Don’t worry, I won’t pry,” Rose said winking. “But don’t talk too long, I want to paint each other’s nails and talk about boys.”

And she disappeared, leaving a sweet smell behind her.

 “I want us to be friends again,” Pearl said, turning to Garnet.

“I didn’t realize we weren’t.”

“Ha ha,” Pearl said.

“I’m not joking.”

Pearl blinked.

“I want us to be like we used to be,” she said.

Garnet snapped her fingers. “Presto,” she said. “Done.”

“Garnet,” Pearl frowned.

“We can’t be like we used to be, Pearl,” Garnet said. “We aren’t who we used to be. You think that’s a bad thing?”

Pearl looked down.  Garnet placed her hand on Pearl’s shoulders.

“You want to be who you were five years ago?”

“No,” Pearl said, barely audible.

“There you go,” Garnet said.

“But I think some things don’t have to change,” Pearl said, meeting Garnet’s gaze. “Things that were already perfect.”

There was a pause, and Garnet said, “If you’re referring to me—”

“I want us to be like we used to be,” Pearl repeated stubbornly.

Garnet sighed.

“We can try,” she said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> edited


	7. Perfect Little Princess

Pearl paced. But the dread was gnawing at her insides.

She knocked tentatively. There was no answer.

Pearl bit her lip, hands wringing each other. _She’s probably asleep_ , she thought. _You idiot_ , her brain added.

 _I shouldn’t wake her. I shouldn’t wake her. I shouldn’t wake her._ Pearl’s eyes squeezed shut against tears. Shoulders hunched. Fists clenched.

_But I want to._

What followed was an intense battle with herself standing outside Garnet’s door. She wanted—needed—company badly, couldn’t stand being on her own a moment longer. But what gave her the right to ask Garnet? What gave her the idea that Garnet would welcome her? Just because Garnet had seemed so invested in helping her? That was just because Garnet was a good person, confronted with someone in need. Of course she had heroically stepped in, alerted Rose, risked herself to help. That didn’t mean she wanted to be bothered at just past midnight. So desperate for company, Pearl briefly entertained the idea of sneaking in without waking her and crawling in bed beside her. Hot tears burned behind her eyelids and she opened them to stare at Garnet’s blurry door. If Garnet rebuked her she didn’t know what she’d do.

Wiping her tears on the back of her arm, she turned away from Garnet’s door, resolved to leave well enough alone, only to come face to face with Garnet.

Caught, Pearl froze. Garnet’s arms were folded over her chest.

“Come on,” Garnet said, nodding her head back.

They moved to the dayroom. Pearl sat on the edge of the couch, hands on her knees, elbows locked, back straight, tense. Garnet crouched by the fire, starting it up again from the embers it’d burned down to.

“There’s something on your mind,” Garnet said rather than asked, as she got to her feet. She sat on the mantle, dangerously close to the fire. She didn’t seem to mind the heat.

“Why do you say that?” Pearl asked, and she shivered.

“I’m assuming you weren’t standing outside of my door for no reason.”

Pearl lowered her gaze.

“I wasn’t going to bother you,” she said.

“Yeah, I got that.”

Pearl bit her lip. She was sixteen years old, and hurting.

“Out with it,” Garnet said.

The skin between Pearl’s eyebrows pinched. She asked the ground, in a small voice,

“Do you think I’m…do you think that I’m dirty?”

There was a silence.

“My—my father,” Pearl continued, voice hesitant, “used to say I was—and the men who would come, I—“ Pearl’s eyes searched the air in front of her, as though looking for answers to reveal themselves. “I told myself that it wasn’t true, that I was more than what they did to me but, now….”her voice faded slightly, “now I’m not so sure. Now I wonder what if….what if they were right? I mean, why else….?”

 “No, I don’t,” Garnet said flatly.

Pearl lifted her head. Garnet regarded her candidly.

Pearl’s hands clutched at her shirt. “You don’t know what this feels like,” she said, hand clawlike at her chest. “I—I _feel_ filthy. I feel—”

Worthless.

“You’re right,” Garnet said, arms folded over her chest. “I can’t imagine how you must feel, now or then. But you asked my opinion, and I gave it.”

And she was so sure of herself, wasn’t she? Had been since they met. Steadfast and unwavering. Pearl envied her self-confidence, her ease. She’d seen Garnet so vulnerable she couldn’t speak but somehow the older girl still carried a self-possession Pearl could only dream of.

They sat in long silence, the fire crackling the only sound. And Pearl considered that Garnet didn’t think she was dirty. And that didn’t quite quell her worries, and she needed something—a distraction—something—. Pearl said,

“Can I ask you something else?”

Garnet looked at her.

“What was your childhood like?”

Garnet’s eyes widened slightly.

“It was pleasant,” she said, after a moment.

“Yeah?” Pearl sniffed. “Will you tell me about it?”

 

 

 “It’s like she doesn’t care,” Pearl snapped.

Garnet lay in Pearl’s bed, body curved into a slight crescent. Her head rested near Pearl’s hip. Pearl sat up, arms resting around her legs which were curled to her chest, feet planted on the bed.

They hadn’t intended to slip away. Pearl had left first, thirty minutes into the movie, feeling itchy and irritated and petty. It was a stupid romance movie, about a couple dealing in the aftermath of infidelity, and Rose was too enthralled for Pearl to handle the irony. Then Garnet had followed, perhaps out of concern though it didn’t show, and for various reasons Pearl feeling petty and upset usually lent itself to sex.

“He’s been here for two weeks, and I keep dropping not so subtle hints that maybe we should get away, just the two of us. But she never reacts! I can only assume she’s ignoring me.”

And there was a silence, festering on Pearl’s part, who was scowling deeply. And she and Greg had a strange relationship, hard to define. In the short time they’d known each other, they’d established mis-matched disgust, curiosity, jealousy, animosity. They weren’t quite enemies; they didn’t know each other well enough to be. They certainly weren’t friends. But they weren’t acquaintances, either. To Pearl, the word acquaintance flew out the window the moment someone walked in the room with Rose. Then Garnet said, almost lazily,

“She wants to throw you a party.  _Pride and Prejudice_  themed.”

Pearl frowned, eyebrows coming down. “What does that mean?”

“That’s what I said.”

Pearl gave a soft derisive laugh.

“I’m sure whatever it is, it’ll be over the top and a waste of money she doesn’t have.”

There was a silence. Pearl glanced down at Garnet to see Garnet looking at her strangely.

“What?” Pearl said.

“I’ve never heard you talk about Rose like this.”

“Like she needs to smarten up?”

“Like she’s a person.”

Pearl’s eyes widened. She looked down. Her fingers pressed into her knees.

“I’m not who I used to be,” she said, finally.

There was another silence, then Pearl glanced down and frowned. “Why do you look so smug?”

“I was right,” Garnet said, proud of herself.

 

 

(“You’ve never even sucked a _dick_!” Pearl shouted at her. She was sixteen years old and full of herself.

Garnet made a face. “What does _that_ have to do with anything?”

“It makes me more mature than you,” Pearl snapped, and somehow she managed to make even anger sound haughty.

And Garnet ground her teeth.

“If that’s what you think,” she said, “then you’re even less mature than I thought.”

“Maybe,” Pearl said, narrowing her eyes, “but it makes _you_ the perfect little princess.”)

 

.

“Sometimes I thought about us running away together,” Pearl murmured, eyes distant. “I’d go to you one evening, and you’d take one look at me and then we’d be off in a car going who-knows-where.”

“Even though we weren’t talking?”

“Especially because we weren’t talking,” Pearl said, eyes flicking down to Garnet’s and resting there. She smiled, mouth curving, and Garnet’s breathing suddenly got quite shallow. “It was so other-worldly, an alternative universe. That made it seem even more like an escape.” Then her expression changed, and she fell back onto her back, staring up at the ceiling. “The disappointing thing is that it’d never happen. But sometimes I wish it would. I’d take care of you so you wouldn’t have to work and I’d like to take care of you. Doesn’t that sound nice? And I’d fuck you every day, sometimes several times a day, and you’d never feel like I didn’t love you. Doesn’t that sound nice?”

Garnet was quite literally speechless.

“I guess it doesn’t matter if it sounds nice,” Pearl said softly. And a silence fell. Then she looked at Garnet again. “How would you feel about round two? You can still talk,” Pearl added, something deep in her eyes, “so I haven’t quite done my job yet.”

Garnet needed a cigarette.

Luckily she’d placed a pack in her pajama pocket with a lighter for this very reason. She crouched down beside her discarded bottoms and drew them out. On the bed, Pearl watched. She said,

“I thought you quit.”

“So did I,” Garnet murmured, holding the cigarette between her teeth to the side as she closed the pack and slid it back into her pocket.

“When did you start again?” Pearl wanted to know.

“Don’t worry about it.”

“Garnet.”

"Pearl."

"Garnet."

Garnet sighed.

“Remember when you came over?”

“Yes.”

“Yeah.”

“So it’s my fault?”

“I didn’t say that.”

In the moments that followed, Garnet watched Pearl watch her light the cigarette with a flick of the canister. The flame went out quickly, and the end of the cigarette smoldered.

Pearl said, “Do you have to?”

Garnet crouched at the side of the bed and motioned for Pearl to come closer. Pearl did, crawling across the bed to her. Garnet tilted her head up and Pearl met her for a kiss. Pearl’s hands came up to cradle Garnet’s, then her elbows rested on Garnet’s shoulders. Garnet’s free hand sat lightly Pearl’s side, on her rib cage, the other held the cigarette carefully away. Pearl bent her head to kiss under her jaw and Garnet switched the cigarette between her hands by reaching around Pearl’s body so that she could take another drag.

But then Pearl was pulling her up, leaning backwards, and Garnet found herself falling forward, and had to catch herself with her free hand, which landed just to the right of Pearl’s ribs. And Pearl pulled her higher, her legs going around Garnet’s waist and when she pulled Garnet down for another kiss her mouth was possessive.

And Garnet knew exactly what that meant. And combined with Pearl’s little speech and her own returned habit she wondered how much had changed after all.

 

 

(“She treats me like I need to be taken care of,” Garnet said. “And you only encourage her.”

“Me?” Rose gasped. “How do I encourage her?”

“ _Take care of Garnet while I’m gone_.”

“Oh but that’s cute.”

“She doesn’t take me seriously.”

“She does take you seriously,” Rose countered. “She takes you so seriously she doesn’t listen to you.”

Garnet frowned. She didn’t think that made sense.

“She called me a perfect little princess.”

Rose snorted. “How demeaning.”

“Rose.”

“And what’s the big deal, if she thinks you’re perfect?”

“Well I’m not, for starters.”

Rose waved a hand. “Details.”

“And she won’t let me help at all,” Garnet started to say.

“We all need something to believe in, Garnet,” Rose said. “Now she has you and she has me. I’m the fearsome queen, and you’re the beautiful princess, and she’s the knight protecting us all.”

Garnet frowned.

“That’s not healthy,” she said.

Rose looked her in the eye. “None of this is healthy.”)

 

 

Early morning sunlight streamed through the blinds when Garnet opened her eyes. She was very comfortable, her head resting on Pearl’s chest, her body curved around Pearl’s thin form. Rose was standing in the doorway. She smiled when Garnet caught her eye.

“You look like you slept well,” Rose said.

Garnet rubbed her eyes.

“Don’t get up,” Rose said. “I just wanted to check in and say I was thinking we could head to the beach. Sound good?”

Garnet nodded against Pearl’s chest.

“You’re lucky that Amethyst passed out soon after the movie started. She doesn’t know you two were gone the whole night. Can you imagine what she would say if she knew?”

“I thought this was a sleep-over not an excuse for Pearl and Garnet to fuck-over.”

“Exactly. I’ll leave now,” Rose said, nodding towards Pearl, “before she wakes up. I know she won’t be happy to know that I saw.”

Garnet closed her eyes again, not waiting for Rose to leave. Pearl chest was warm, moving with her breathing. Garnet could hear her heart beat, which faded into a gentle hum as she fell back asleep.

 

 

_Pearl opened her eyes and saw that she was alone. She sat up, eyes darting around and with relief saw Garnet standing at her dresser, a music box she’d had since she was 16 in her hands. Garnet glanced at her, fingers poised on the lip of the cover._

_“Mind?” she asked._

_“Go ahead,” Pearl said weakly._

_The small tinkling melody played out as two unfolded dancers spun in slow circles. When the notes had finished, Garnet set it on the dresser without closing it._

_“Garnet, I’m so sorry.”_

_“For what?”_

_“For everything.”_

_Garnet turned to her then, arms folding over her chest. “That’s not an apology.”_

_“Then tell me what I need to say,” Pearl said, pushing herself up on her knees. “I’ll say it.”_

Garnet opened her eyes. The bed was empty. She looked around. So was the room.

She felt a little hurt, if she was being honest with herself, at being left alone. And a little disoriented. Her dream had seemed so real, had speculated a future that now was proved false. And she felt a little ashamed, too. The sight of Pearl on her knees, offering to say anything, was frustrating but it made something curl in Garnet’s belly. Did she really think of Pearl that way? No. She berated herself.

She pulled on her pajamas and padded her way to the bathroom, helping herself to Pearl’s toothbrush. Her own toothbrush was forgotten downstairs. Pearl might mind but she didn’t have to know.

She considered taking a shower but decided against it. Mostly, she wanted to find Pearl.

She checked Pearl’s room once more, to ascertain that Pearl hadn’t returned. Then she made her way downstairs. The living room was devoid of people, but the smell of food cooking brought her to the kitchen. On the stove bacon was frying. Greg stood behind the pans in his underwear and a faded t-shirt, humming to himself. Garnet made her way to the table, where Rose nursed a cup of coffee.

“He cooks too,” Rose said with quiet glee.

“Where’s Pearl?” Garnet said.

Rose tilted her head. “I haven’t the slightest idea.”

“I smell bacon,” came Amethyst’s voice, scratchy with sleep. Garnet turned to see her poised at the open doorway, also dressed in a t-shirt and underwear. “Yo Greg, give me some.”

Greg pulled out his headphones. “Huh?”

“Give me some bacon!”

“Hey—no!” Greg cried, grabbing the pan and wincing as a few drops of oil hit his skin. “You’re going to hurt yourself, Amethyst!”

“You haven’t seen her at all?” Garnet asked Rose quietly.

“Not since I last talked to you,” Rose said, eyes meeting hers. And Garnet’s immediate thought was  _you’re lying_. But what reason did Rose have to lie?

“Fine,” Amethyst said, “I’ll just eat this stuff.”

“Amethyst, that hasn’t been cooked yet!”

“So?”

“Amethyst!” Garnet snapped.

And Amethyst whipped around to face her.

“Leave Greg alone,” Garnet said, tone more controlled. “Let him finish.”

Amethyst crossed her arms over her chest. “Fine,” she huffed. She made her way to the table, feet shuffling. When she sat down, Rose smiled at her.

There was a pause.

“Sorry, Amethyst,” Garnet said. “I didn’t mean to snap.”

“’S okay,” Amethyst shrugged. “Hey, I woke up in my old room. Did you put me there?”

“That would have been Rose,” Garnet said.

Rose smiled. “I couldn’t just leave you on the floor.”

“It was so surreal,” Amethyst said. “Haven’t been there since I was like thirteen.”

“You were fourteen,” Garnet said.

“Heh, right. I put up some really stupid posters.” She looked at Garnet. “Did you go to your old room?”

Garnet considered lying. She didn’t.

“I slept with Pearl.”

“You did?” Amethyst raised her eyebrows. “Wait  _slept_  with Pearl or slept with Pearl?”

Garnet ran a hand down her face. “Both.”

“Oh,” Amethyst said, looking down at the table. Then her eyes widened and she looked up at Rose, remembering that Pearl had asked her not to say anything. But now Garnet had. But Rose didn’t look shocked. She returned her gaze calmly. So Amethyst had been right—Rose didn’t care. And Pearl was stupid for thinking she would. She almost told Rose that Pearl had asked her not to tell, but then Garnet didn’t know that either.

Amethyst said, “Where is Pearl anyway?”

 “We don’t know,” Rose said.

“You don’t know?” Amethyst looked at Garnet. “Didn’t you just fuck? How’d you lose her?”

Garnet said, “She left me.”

And it wasn’t that big a deal, it really wasn’t.

“That’s fucked up,” Amethyst said. “But also the most Pearl thing ever.”

Rose titled her head slightly, and Garnet knew why. It was the most  _Rose_  thing ever. But Amethyst had no way of knowing that, and neither of them were about to correct her.

To keep them from shaking, Garnet put her hands in her pockets. She noted with surprise that her lighter was missing.

 

 

Pearl’s feet hurt.

She hadn’t put on shoes; she didn’t know why. Part of her might have just forgotten. Part of her might have wanted to punish herself. Either way, she had blisters now.

The first car that passed her was one she vaguely reconized. She found out why when it stopped fifty yards in front of her and began backing up. Bill Dewey was at the wheel, pink as ever. Figured, that he would find her. Pearl stopped walking.

“H-hello Pearl!” Bill Dewey said, when he had successfully backed up to be beside her and rolled down the window.

“Mayor Dewey,” Pearl said stiffly.

“Fancy meeting you here!” Bill Dewey continued, tugging at the collar of his checkered shirt. “Ah…would you like a ride?”

Pearl wanted to say no, but her feet hurt.

“You know,” Bill said, glancing at her as they sped down the freeway, “when I heard you were back in town, I wanted to stop by and say hello, but I was afraid I would be unwelcome.”

"You would have been," Pearl said, staring out the window.

Bill laughed awkwardly. “Guess I was right!”

Pearl didn’t respond. The mayor cleared his throat.

“I just wanted to say that I’m sorry for before, what we did, it was despicable, and I really am grateful—”

“Bill Dewey,” Pearl said, voice hard, and Bill gulped. “The past is the past. Leave it there.”

“Alright,” Bill said. They had arrived at the beach. “Should I drive you out further, or—?”

“Here is fine,” Pearl said, unbuckling. She stepped out of the car. She paused.

“Thank you,” she said, glancing at Bill over her shoulder. Bill turned three shades of red.

“N-no problem,” he stuttered. “Please let me know if ever you need someth—!”

Pearl shut the door.

It was 10:41 Saturday morning. It was windy. No one was around.

Pearl walked east, looking for the alcove and found it. She hopped from rock to rock to get to the opening, then climbed the shear wall. She reached the top with pink cheeks and a slight feeling of accomplishment. She hadn’t done that in at least a year. Then immediately she felt lonely.


	8. Unassuming Ghosts

They’d moved back to town a little under six years ago. Amethyst had been 11 years old, and had never been before.

“You guys _lived_ here?” she asked, staring wide eyed at the mansion-like building.

“For awhile,” Rose said. “You like it?”

“Are you kidding? I _love_ this place!”

“Wait until you go inside,” Pearl had said, with a smile.

Amethyst had spent the next couple of hours running around, exploring the giant house as the adults moved their meager belongings back in. A suitcase for each of them with their clothes, some books, a new blender Pearl was particularly fond of. And four boxes of junk Amethyst had accumulated and refused to let go. Pearl had suggested that her hoarding tendencies came from years of having nothing. But the last attempt at broaching the subject of therapy with the girl ended with her running away, which had delayed their move for three days.

Everything was dusty, and several spiders had moved in, but that made it all the more enchanting to Amethyst.

“I bet there are ghosts here,” she’d said, bouncing up and down next to Garnet as she ripped open the box containing the kitchenware and some bath towels. The thing was, a lot of their old stuff was still there.

“I’m going to have to do some serious cleaning,” Pearl said, putting her hands on her hips. “Don’t bother taking those out, Garnet, it’s filthy in here.”

Garnet dropped the items back in the box.

“There are ghosts,” Garnet said, standing up from where she’d been kneeling and brushing her hands together. “They live just outside and they eat little girls that try to run away in the middle of the night.”

Amethyst scowled. “Nuh-huh, you’re lying!”

“I’m not. Just ask Pearl.”

“It’s true,” Pearl said. “I’ve seen them myself.”

“You’re both liars!” Amethyst cried, running away and disappearing beyond the stairs.

“What are you two lying about?” Rose asked, coming down the stairs.

“She thinks there are ghosts,” Pearl said.

Rose gave a sharp laugh. “We’ve got enough ghosts following us around, we don’t need any more.”

“I was thinking of ordering take-out,” Pearl said, hand to her mouth. “And then tomorrow I’ll do a deep clean of the kitchen.”

“Pearl,” Rose laughed, “we just got here. Don’t worry about cleaning just yet. How do you feel, being back here?”

Pearl blinked, then looked down.

“I know we talked about it,” Rose said, gently, “but it’s different, actually being here.”

“I feel fine,” Pearl said.

“If you’re sure,” Rose said softly.

“I am,” Pearl said.

Rose took Pearl by the chin and titled her face up. She searched Pearl’s face with a morose expression. “I always get the feeling that there’s something you’re not telling me.”

Pearl’s eyes widened. “I tell you everything.”

“I don’t mean it like that,” Rose sighed. Then her mouth curved. She kissed Pearl’s forehead, then her cheek. Pearl turned her head to meet her mouth; it was a gentle press of lips and nothing more.

“I think take-out’s a good idea,” Rose said, stepping away. “Order it?”

“I’m on it,” Pearl said.

“Thank you, my dear.”

“Rose?”

Rose turned.

“How do you feel?”

Rose smiled, eyes dark. “Angry.”

 

 Rose passed Garnet on her way out, giving her a kiss on the cheek. Garnet who was returning. Garnet, who Pearl hadn’t realized had left.

“Where did you go?” Pearl asked, frowning.

“Bathroom,” Garnet said.

“You didn’t tell me,” Pearl said.

“You were talking to Rose.”

“You still could have said something.”

“ ‘Pearl, Rose, sorry to interrupt but you should know I’m going to the bathroom.’ ”

Pearl snorted and laughed, hitting Garnet on the shoulder as she bent over.

“Where’s she going?” Garnet asked.

“Who knows,” Pearl said, still grinning.

“You’ve stopped asking.”

“I can only take so many cryptic answers,” Pearl said. “I know she’s not cheating on me because she does that out in the open.”

Garnet snorted.

“Do you remember what you said, a long time ago?” Pearl asked, turning to Garnet. “She keeps secrets, even from me?”

“Probably said something like that at some point,” Garnet allowed.

“I don’t think it’s like that,” Pearl said. “With us. If it was important, she’d tell me.”

Garnet was silent.

“Don’t you think?”

“I’m not so sure,” Garnet said honestly. “But if you are.”

Pearl shook her head slightly. “We tell each other everything.”

“Like I said,” Garnet said. “If you’re sure.”

 


	9. Some Things That Happened Before

The day after Pearl broke the school record, Garnet walked with Pearl out into the parking lot. Pearl followed her to her motorcycle, planning on saying goodbye, but when Garnet rummaged in the bag strapped behind her seat and pulled out a helmet, she held it out to Pearl, offering.

Pearl’s eyes went from the helmet to Garnet’s sunglasses, seeing her own confused face reflected back at her.

“I’m offering you a ride,” Garnet said, still holding the helmet out.

Pearl eyes got wide and shot to Garnet’s waiting motorcycle. She took a full step back.

“O-on—on _that_?” she asked, voice embarrassingly high. And Garnet was smirking.

“You’re afraid.”

“N-no, I’m—I’m…not,” Pearl tried to deny, eyes drifting back to the motorbike. Then she dropped the pretense. “Well who wouldn’t be? There’s no protection! If you get in a crash you’re dead!”

Garnet’s smirk fell.

“You don’t have to,” she said, her arm—and the helmet—lowering.

“No—!” Pearl exclaimed, and at Garnet’s raised eyebrows she flushed, realizing she’d said it much more aggressively than she’d meant to. “No,” she repeated, trying to sound more normal, “No I want to.”

“If you’re sure....”

“I am.”

Garnet fit the helmet over her head, clasping the chin straps and pulling them as tight as they would go.

“It’s a little loose, sorry,” she said. “I have to get a bigger one. Because of my hair, you know.”

“Oh,” Pearl said, reaching up to feel her helmet. “You’re not going to put one on?”

“I only have the one,” Garnet said, swinging her leg over her back and kicking the kickstand. “Hop on.”

Pearl was impressed by the kindness of Garnet giving her helmet, but the feeling was quickly forgotton as she struggled to mount the bike, a task which proved embarrassingly difficult. But Garnet held the bike steady and made no comments as Pearl scrabbled her way into place, gripping Garnet’s arms tightly, breathing a little unsteady. When she was in place, Garnet glanced at her over her shoulder.

“Alright?”

Pearl nodded, then said “Yes,” when she realized that Garnet couldn’t see her. She felt a sharp spike of fear as the engine roared to life. 

“Hold on to my waist,” Garnet instructed.

Hesitantly, Pearl placed her hands just above Garnet’s hips. Pearl couldn’t see Garanet’s face, but she could hear the amusement in her voice as she said, “You’re gonna want to hold on tighter than that.”

“I know,” Pearl said, hoping her indignation would cover her nervousness. (It didn’t.) “I just thought that—that once we started moving I’d—I’d—I’d—!” Pearl’s stutter turned into a shriek as the bike started rolling forward and she flung her arms around Garnet’s midsection.

Garnet stopped, the engine cutting off.

Pearl willed her heart to slow to a normal pace as she struggled to get her breathing under control, gulping.

“If that scared you,” Garnet observed, “this is going to take a very long time.”

“You can go,” Pearl said shakily, loosening her death hold on Garnet a smidge, (but only a smidge). “I’m okay.”

And with her blessing, Garnet started the bike again.

“Which way?” Garnet asked, stalling at the exit from the school parking lot.

“Um, right. And then take the next left.”

“Your parent’s aren’t going to show up at the school to pick you up, are they?” Garnet shouted over the engine, the rush of the wind.

“No!” Pearl shouted back. “I walk!”

There was a silence, and Pearl thought they were going to spend the rest of the ride in silence, but then Garnet shouted back,

“Must be nice! Takes me half an hour by bike!”

“Really?”

“Well twenty five! Twenty if there isn’t traffic!”

“You live out of district then! You didn’t like your home school?”

“Classes were shit! Not the best first impression of the American Education System! Maybe you heard of it? Lincoln Fifty-fourth?

“I have!” Pearl exclaimed, “I heard three teachers got suspended for grooming a student!”

“I didn’t know that!” And Garnet threw a glance back at her. “Well I did, but I didn’t hear what for! Where’d you hear that?”

Pearl looked at the tiger stitched into the back of Garnet’s jacket. It’s mouth open in a snarl. It’s yellow eyes glared at her.

“Around,” Pearl said, and rested her cheek on Garnet’s shoulder. “Turn left up there!”

 

 

“Um, it’s the pink house,” Pearl said, as Garnet turned onto the street. And Garnet pulled up to the designated curb and idled, allowing Pearl climb off.

“Thanks for the ride,” Pearl said. And she stood there on the curb, looking at Garnet, she felt suddenly shy.

Garnet extended her hand, palm upturned. Pearl gave her a high five.

“Thanks,” Garnet smirked, “But can I have my helmet back?”

“Oh,” Pearl turned pink. She’d forgotten she was wearing it.

Her fingers fumbled with the clasp. She took it off her head but paused before handing it back to its owner. Her eyes found the choker around Garnet’s neck, the triple piercing in her upper ear. She’d just gotten a ride from arguably the coolest person in the school (who was dating the most beautiful woman Pearl had ever seen in real life, and who, until recently, she’d thought disliked her) and she was reluctant to let the moment go.

“I’ll give it back,” she said, “But you have to answer my questions first.”

And Pearl watched Garnet’s face anxiously, to see how Garnet reacted. She was relieved to see a grin tug at Garnet’s lips.

“Go on then,” Garnet said, and shut off the engine.

Pearl gripped the helmet tighter. Part of her hadn’t believed Garnet would agree to this. She had questions that had been circling her mind during the ride, but now with the chance to voice them she didn’t know what to pick.

She said, “You have an accent.”

“I do,” Garnet inclined her head. “But that wasn’t a question.”

“You’re British?”

“Yeah.”

“How long have you been here?”

“About three years. But I visited as a kid ‘cuz one of my mums has a family that moved here a while ago.”

“You—wait mums? You said mums?”

Garnet’s mouth stretched into a grin. “Yeah.”

“You have more than one mom?”

“Yeah,” Garnet said again, but this time her mouth stretched into a lop-sided grin. “My parents are a same-sex couple.”

Pearl let that sink in, a matching smile blooming on her own face.

“Wow,” she said.

And they smiled stupidly at each other.

“So,” Pearl said, lowering her eyes, cheeks hot, “so you’re adopted?”

“Nah. One of them had a prick back when so they’re both my biological parents.”

Pearl didn’t quite understand the feeling that was growing in her chest or the swooping feeling in her stomach but it was something like wonder, something like happiness.

“Why did they come to the states?”

For the first time, Garnet hesitated.

“Mm, it’s kind of hard to explain. I bet you’re expecting something mundane like work but that’s not it. They’re…exiles? I think that’s the word. The government considers them terrorists. If they go back they’ll get arrested. And they weren’t too keen on that so they came here. And I went with them because I wasn’t too keen on staying without them.”

Pearl stared down at the helmet in her hand, the color of her cheeks high.

“That’s really cool,” she said softly.

“Thank you,” Garnet said. “I think so too. But it made immigrations a bitch.”

“I have, um,” Pearl said, eyes once again on her helmet as her fingers pressed into it harder than necessary, “one more question.”

“Alright.”

Pearl took a breath, cheeks burning.

“Do you have any tattoos?”

When she peeked up at Garnet’s face, Garnet was grinning widely, tone amused as she asked,

“Do you _think_ I have tattoos?”

“I think,” Pearl said, looking anywhere but at Garnet, “that there’s a high possibility.”

“I don’t,” Garnet said, reaching forward to pluck her helmet from Pearl’s hands. “Sorry to disappoint.”

“I’m not--!” Pearl started, looking up quickly, but as she saw Garnet’s face she realized she was being teased.

Pearl looked down, feeling the loss of the helmet in the pit of her stomach. Soon Garnet would be gone and Pearl would have to step back into reality from this temporarily oasis.

“Thanks for the ride,” she said.

“Not a problem,” Garnet said, fitting the helmet over her head. “Have a nice night, Pearl.”

And she kicked her engine on, and was gone.

 

 

"When do you think Rose is coming back?" Fifteen year old Pearl would ask Garnet a week after Rose’s departure, when Rose still hadn't returned and neither of them had heard anything. They sat in the empty music room, watching the rain patter outside.

"Dunno," Garnet said.

And her knees were curled to her chest, and Pearl thought she almost looked vulnerable.

"Maybe," Pearl said hesitantly. "Maybe we could call her parents? Maybe they know?"

Garnet shook her head.

"I'm not on the best terms with them," she said. "And they're not the friendliest people to begin with. Even if they knew, they wouldn't tell us."

"Does she have any friends we could ask?"

"She has friends," Garnet said, and she leaned her head back against the sill, eyes focused outside. "I just don't know who they are."

Pearl blinked, frowning.

"Rose keeps a lot of secrets," Garnet said, answering a question Pearl hadn't voiced. "Even from me. I don't know why. I think she likes the control." There was a slight pause as Garnet looked down at her own hands. "We've been dating for nearly two years, but there are times I feel like I hardly know her."

And Pearl's eyebrows came down.

"Then why do you like her?" she asked.

Garnet looked at her.

"Why do you?"

Pearl flushed slightly.

"Because--because she's--"

"--stunning," Garnet finished for her.

"And when she smiles at you," Pearl said.

"You feel like she's seeing you for everything you are," Garnet said. "And everything you can be."

Pearl looked down. "I was going to say that she makes me feel like I'm important."

There was a brief silence.

“You’re important, Pearl,” Garnet said.

"You don't know anything about me," Pearl said, and looked Garnet in the eye.

“Don’t need to,” Garnet said, returning her gaze, “to know that.”

“I think I’m in love with Rose.”

There was a silence. The bell rang.

"You should go," Garnet said.

"It's only gym," Pearl said.

"You can fail gym," Garnet said. "I've seen it happen. You should go."

Pearl stood, but then she hesitated.

"Garnet?"

Garnet was watching her.

"Are we friends?" Pearl asked.

"Do you want to be?"

Pearl nodded slightly.

Garnet cracked a smile.

 

 

Three days later Rose barged into the music room with windswept hair, looking like a goddess. Garnet, who had been studying on the floor, blinked.

After a month of disappearance, Rose’s first words were, “Where’s Pearl?”

Garnet said, “The bathroom.”

Rose’s second words were, “My parents are going to disown me.”

Garnet stared.

 “Rose,” Pearl breathed from the doorway. She stared like she couldn’t believe her eyes. Rose had appeared like an angel, out of nowhere.

“Hello my darling,” Rose said turning to her, smile on her face, as though nothing at all were the matter. “I can’t believe how much I’ve missed you.”

“Really?” Pearl said, eyes wide.

“Really,” Rose said smile warm and genuine.

And Pearl wouldn’t have traded that feeling for anything. Behind them, Garnet was still with shock.


End file.
